Lean On In

These posts I write are not designed for likes or to say "oh look at me aren't I just wonderful?" Like I said in the beginning these are here to push some positivity back onto Social Media, creating a little herd immunity from the negativity out there. I am conscious that some people don't like to be named or tagged so I'm being even more careful not to stress people out with this.  A friend and I were talking a few weeks ago about our parenting experiences and she asked if I thought that our parents had a better idea of it all than we did or if they were winging it too.  I think they were winging it and quite honestly I've learnt that that's ok.  I am (have been) both of father and a stepfather (although in all honesty they are no different please don't let anybody else tell you that they are). And for the last few years I've being a single and sole parent.  It's been tough but it's been very rewarding. As I look back I see tha

It is said that what you give out, you get back in the same form. Many of you will know this by its name. Karma.  Everything I say here is not new to me, but something I am remembering everyday. I am back on a journey that I began nearly 30 years ago. In fact, come to think of it, I don't think I ever left this journey, I just stopped a little longer at places en route. I've been working on re-knowing who I am, not the external me but the internal me. Not the ego but the essence of who I truly am.  Don't panic! I'm not about to sell you a religion! I'm merely telling you of my experience at this present time. What you do with the information is up to you, and quite frankly, none of my business.  I have been re-learning. Working on myself to be a person who does good things. A better person. The best person I can possibly be and a better person than who I was yesterday. To feel the fear and do it anyway. To lean in to my vulnerability, and to leave the wo

  Not all of these posts will follow a chronological order, so you'll never know when your name is going to be called. The following actions weren't big actions but they had lasting effects. When I was 17 I moved to Wales. A small village in the then Borough of Newport called Rhiwderin. Which means blackbird on the hill. That has no relevance to this story but I thought you might appreciate a little bit of history. I dropped out of school at 15 without finishing my GCSEs and I'd had a couple of jobs since leaving school but I didn't really have any prospects for the future. I signed up for a Youth Training Scheme and got an interview at a local computer store called Microcare Computing. Fans of Goldie Looking Chain may know of this place ;-) The interview was held in the basement office and I had one of those out of body moments like I did in Miss Amos's music class.  I am convinced that these moments are signs of something that is meant to be! I was nervous but was

Well it's a new day and a new appreciation post.  I can't tell you how much the one about David - the one I was reluctant to share - has affected so many people from my Facebook friends list they reached out to me about the post.  It reached people in ways I never expected, and in ways some of the people reaching out never expected.  So once again David's actions had a profoundly positive effect. Thanks again David and thanks to all those who reached out to me about it.  As promised though, here is something a little lighter than my previous two posts.  This coming Saturday is Eurovision. 28 years ago it was held on the 19th of May, the day after my birthday, and it gave me one of the best presents I have ever had.  Sonia Evans was our representative for the UK. For those of you that don't know, Sonia was signed to PWL records and was produced by Stock, Aitken and Waterman.  Just like Kylie Minogue and Rick Astley. And if you don't know who they are then I will be o

 Trigger Alert! This appreciation post is slightly different, but a lot darker, and a lot longer so strap yourselves in. Be warned there's talk of suicide! Facebook may jail me for this. As I said before, I had been bullied. A lot. Both on the outside from others but also on the inside, from me, echoing what the others had said. I also found other stuff to beat myself up about.  I felt unloved, unwanted, hated in fact. I loathed myself.  I was angry that I did or was the thing that bullies would make a beeline for. I would then hate on myself for being weak and not standing up for myself!  It was a constant cycle.  I avoided places I knew the bullies would be. I'd plan out my routes home so I knew I wouldn't cross paths with any one of them.  It was years before I could walk up to the shop at the top of my road because one kid would see me and come out of his house each and every time just to threaten me or intimidate me, so I would take the long way round so he wouldn'

Warning: I'm off again. I've debated posting this one, but I think I have to! My last appreciation post spoke of my deep-rooted feelings of inadequacy and dare I use a newer term, feelings of not being "good enough!" I had been bullied for as far back as I could remember. Even when I wasn't actually being bullied, I got so used to that specific feeling, that I felt I was ALWAYS being bullied. I had become a "victim" to others but also to myself. My friend Ben Chai hits the nail on the head in his TED Talk, "Bullies will seek you out as they know you could be their victim too." I'm paraphrasing here but this was certainly true in my case. It left me somewhat on the outside, until one day in the Third Year of Mandeville (it was the second year we had been there but was called the Third Year back then - your parents can explain). An old classmate of mine invited me to walk to school with him and his popular friends. Me? I mean these guys were

Here's another appreciation/ acknowledgement post as promised/ warned.  These two people shall remain nameless, as I think it is better for them that way.  As a teen, I, along with pretty much every teenager that ever was or is, was feeling very, very self conscious. However I, like some others, found it went a little deeper.  I hated myself. I wasn't good enough. I was too fat, I was ugly, I wasn't smart enough, I was too poor etc etc.  I knew this to be true. People constantly told me so. Time and again. I mean why would they lie about that stuff? This was not just in my teenage years but ever since I started school in the UK, and even some of the teachers would join in. It even continued into my adult life. It was all around me.  This constant negative chatter from others, helped me build a very negative view of myself.  Then two totally trivial conversations gave me a glimpse that not everyone saw me the way others saw me, or the way I saw myself. That someone might act

I am back with another appreciation post. And the next few posts will be about tiny moments in school, that had dramatic impact on my way of thinking, and on shaping me and my future! Please, please note, there is nothing wrong. I am completely okay and very happy. I appreciate your concern. I'm not thinking bad thoughts, only good ones! 🙂 But yeah, I'm probably going to get annoying with all of this positivity - you have been warned haha.  So this one is about another teacher. Miss Amos. Music teacher at Mandeville County Upper School (as it was called then). Incidentally I can see what was my music room, from my window as I write this! I may not have moved very far, but I have come a long way! In the final year of Mr Wise's class, the 4th year "moved up" for a day and experienced secondary school (high school). In our music "lesson" Miss Amos had set up a piano keyboard and let us all have a go at playing something. I never had a keyboard or any music

For the last few days and the previous three posts I have been acknowledging and thanking people for their influences on my life. Yesterday I received a comment from a friend which at first I perceived as being negative and the comment shook my confidence a bit. Confidence in this challenge! "Facebook is such a fake universe and no one needs it to express their appreciation or love. just do it direct." This played on my mind and made me question if what I was doing here had any real impact. They are not wrong in what they say, and that is the exact motivation behind why I am doing this! It's not the only motivation either. Some people can't do this directly, perhaps because of the pandemic and they can't get with the person they want to talk to, or that they may not be in touch with the named person other than through Facebook and other social media, or, and more importantly, they haven't found the strength to do it physically yet but are working on it and thi

 For the last couple of days I have been showing appreciation to and recognition of people and their actions which have had a significant and specific influence on me.  If you're not sure what I'm on about please feel free to check back on my previous posts.  Yesterday I received a message from someone, very concerned that I was reaching out for help and that I was contemplating suicide. I can assure you that I'm not and that I am totally ok. In fact I'm more ok than I think I've ever been in my whole life!  This kind of thing is one of the reasons why I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm feeling great and I want to pass that feeling on to as many people as I can. That's my goal here. So today is the turn of my fourth year middle school teacher at Oak Green - Michael Wise. I warn you this might be a bit long winded lol. There were other, more popular teachers and I don't even think that I liked Mr Wise at the time if I'm honest, but he had one of th

Last post was Mom's turn this one is for my sisters. So to start off I have 3 sisters, well technically 4 and 2 of them are called Tracey. Confused? Yep so was I, but I only know 3 so this is for them. I realised from the last post that whilst I pinpoint one or two things that I have learned from people, it's never an exhaustive list. And the list here is not exhaustive either.  I am the youngest! The only boy! I have been teased, scared half to death and left in a laundry basket so that they can go out with their friends, but I have also had hugs, and kisses and felt pride from them 🤮 The eldest is Debra Churchill  My "little" big sister.  What I have learned the most from Debbie is that it is much cooler to be yourself than to try to be someone who you are not and it's perfectly okay to love you are! She's also taught me how to embarrass others - in a fun way - which of course I have used on my kids. Debbie if you're not sure what I'm talking about,

 I want to start a wave of positivity on Social Media and in life in general. No scratch that, I want to contribute to the wave that is already there, by showing appreciation for people in my life. The people that have had the most specific influences on me.  I'm not trying to be soppy or "woo-woo", just a little more vulnerable and honest. A little more human! If you don't see your name pop up please don't be disheartened. I may not have worked out what you have given me yet or I may not have found the words but know this - you all inspire me in some way 🙂 I also challenge you to do the same. In life and especially on social media (if you want to). Let's weed out the negativity and replace it with positivity!  So first up.  Mom.  Vi Adams  My mom has struggled a lot in life. Emotionally and financially. I know we all have.  When I was a kid Mom worked 3 jobs just to keep us on the bread line. To steal a line from JK Rowling,  we were about as poor as you cou