Lean On In

Today's post is dedicated to TSgt (Ret.) James M. Adams Jr.  My dad.  For many different reasons we didn't really spend as much time together as we should have or could have done, and even though he wasn't physically in my life for much of it, I learned a great deal from him.  He was a bit of a Marmite character - you either loved him or hated him, and he appeared not to care about that, but appearences can be deceptive! I never really heard many good things about him - I mean he was no angel - but when I went back to Texas in '99, I got to know him a little better.  To my surprise, so many people loved and respected him. All of them in fact, apart from my Mom's best friend from when when lived there. This was all new to me and I found it a little hard to believe. I mean I knew my Dad right? Apparently I didn't! It seemed that despite his quirks and shortcomings (and sometimes his cruelty), he was (like it says on his father's grave) a friend to

These posts I write are not designed for likes or to say "oh look at me aren't I just wonderful?" Like I said in the beginning these are here to push some positivity back onto Social Media, creating a little herd immunity from the negativity out there. I am conscious that some people don't like to be named or tagged so I'm being even more careful not to stress people out with this.  A friend and I were talking a few weeks ago about our parenting experiences and she asked if I thought that our parents had a better idea of it all than we did or if they were winging it too.  I think they were winging it and quite honestly I've learnt that that's ok.  I am (have been) both of father and a stepfather (although in all honesty they are no different please don't let anybody else tell you that they are). And for the last few years I've being a single and sole parent.  It's been tough but it's been very rewarding. As I look back I see tha

It is said that what you give out, you get back in the same form. Many of you will know this by its name. Karma.  Everything I say here is not new to me, but something I am remembering everyday. I am back on a journey that I began nearly 30 years ago. In fact, come to think of it, I don't think I ever left this journey, I just stopped a little longer at places en route. I've been working on re-knowing who I am, not the external me but the internal me. Not the ego but the essence of who I truly am.  Don't panic! I'm not about to sell you a religion! I'm merely telling you of my experience at this present time. What you do with the information is up to you, and quite frankly, none of my business.  I have been re-learning. Working on myself to be a person who does good things. A better person. The best person I can possibly be and a better person than who I was yesterday. To feel the fear and do it anyway. To lean in to my vulnerability, and to leave the wo

  Not all of these posts will follow a chronological order, so you'll never know when your name is going to be called. The following actions weren't big actions but they had lasting effects. When I was 17 I moved to Wales. A small village in the then Borough of Newport called Rhiwderin. Which means blackbird on the hill. That has no relevance to this story but I thought you might appreciate a little bit of history. I dropped out of school at 15 without finishing my GCSEs and I'd had a couple of jobs since leaving school but I didn't really have any prospects for the future. I signed up for a Youth Training Scheme and got an interview at a local computer store called Microcare Computing. Fans of Goldie Looking Chain may know of this place ;-) The interview was held in the basement office and I had one of those out of body moments like I did in Miss Amos's music class.  I am convinced that these moments are signs of something that is meant to be! I was nervous but was

Well it's a new day and a new appreciation post.  I can't tell you how much the one about David - the one I was reluctant to share - has affected so many people from my Facebook friends list they reached out to me about the post.  It reached people in ways I never expected, and in ways some of the people reaching out never expected.  So once again David's actions had a profoundly positive effect. Thanks again David and thanks to all those who reached out to me about it.  As promised though, here is something a little lighter than my previous two posts.  This coming Saturday is Eurovision. 28 years ago it was held on the 19th of May, the day after my birthday, and it gave me one of the best presents I have ever had.  Sonia Evans was our representative for the UK. For those of you that don't know, Sonia was signed to PWL records and was produced by Stock, Aitken and Waterman.  Just like Kylie Minogue and Rick Astley. And if you don't know who they are then I will be o

 Trigger Alert! This appreciation post is slightly different, but a lot darker, and a lot longer so strap yourselves in. Be warned there's talk of suicide! Facebook may jail me for this. As I said before, I had been bullied. A lot. Both on the outside from others but also on the inside, from me, echoing what the others had said. I also found other stuff to beat myself up about.  I felt unloved, unwanted, hated in fact. I loathed myself.  I was angry that I did or was the thing that bullies would make a beeline for. I would then hate on myself for being weak and not standing up for myself!  It was a constant cycle.  I avoided places I knew the bullies would be. I'd plan out my routes home so I knew I wouldn't cross paths with any one of them.  It was years before I could walk up to the shop at the top of my road because one kid would see me and come out of his house each and every time just to threaten me or intimidate me, so I would take the long way round so he wouldn'